My Ramblings

Last Friday, Linda and I buried our son. Even though we had already had a memorial service in June, the actual burial was the harder of the two. However, some innocent comedic relief was provided by our 5 year old grandson, Logan that I want to share. As I sat on my bed getting dressed, Logan came in to talk to me. He and his brother, Luca had already been advised about Daniel’s passing as well as that he had “accidentally” shot himself. Logan knew we were going to a ceremony and to bury Uncle Daniel. He asked, “Grandpa, where is Daniel?” I admitted that he was in our house. His eyes got wide and he said, “Where are you hiding him?” I tried my best not to laugh and said I would show him after I got dressed. He begged me to confide in him and promised not to tell anyone. He said we can do a “pinky swear” so, we did and I said Daniel was in my office. A bit later, Luca came into me and said Logan had told him. So much for pinky swears. Later, I showed them the urn and Logan, ever t

I vividly recall where I was on this day 11 years ago when I learned of the attack on our nation. I walked into work that morning and saw several co-workers watching a TV that showed the first plane hit the tower. Our first thought was that it was an accident, but then the second one hit the other tower and a sick feeling hit us that the actions were intentional. It was unbelievable then that this had happened. It still boggles the mind 11 years later. 9/11 also marks a different anniversary for me because it was nine years ago today that my then 19 year old son, reported for duty to the U.S. Navy. This was not by happenstance that he reported on this anniversary of the attack. He and his buddy, Travis planned it that way. I cannot speak for Travis but I knew that Daniel worked it out because it was so important to him. It is also my belief that the 9/11 attack was a big factor in Daniel wanting to join the military. I recall how proud I was of him for enlisting. Yes, I was concer

I had two crying episodes this morning. The first came while talking to Linda about our trip to the cemetery yesterday. I woke up not feeling very chipper but I was not sad, however; talking to Linda just broke me. Through my tears I said, “I want my boy! I want to hug him, go fishing again and just see him!” These moments come upon me like an unseen storm on the horizon until they engulf me. Not being able to have these things does not make me want them anyway. In fact, I want them even more and I chastise myself for all the wasted opportunities I had in his 28 years to be with him. We did not play catch, or go fishing enough. I did not attend as many of his school activities as I should or could have. Working all the time contributed much to this but there were so many times when I was at home, watching TV or playing games on my computer and I flat out ignored his presence. The regrets are so many and so sad. The second emotional jag occurred as I was reading the many Facebook res

This afternoon, Linda and I drove to the San Joaquin Memorial Cemetery in Santa Nella to see where we will bury Daniel’s cremains next week. The sprawling cemetery is for veterans and their spouses. Neither of us has ever been there before and Linda was surprised to see that there are no standing markers. She expected to see hundreds of white crosses marking the graves as depicted in the movie, “Saving Private Ryan.” The markers at SJV are all flat rectangles made of a cement type material. The nearby brown hills along I-5 are a stark contrast to the beautiful, thick green sod of the burial grounds. It is remote and peaceful. Daniel will be happy we are putting him in a place surrounded by other vets with similar ideals to his own. I counted approximately a dozen groundskeepers maintaining the area and preparing to lay fresh sod around the new graves. Judging by the size of the place and the number of workers, this is a busy place. Daniel’s memorial service back in June was a beauti

Several days ago, our daughter Holly posted the below paragraph regarding Daniel on her Facebook page: Facebook leaves this section blank and asks "What's on your mind?" To which I answer: My brother. My amazing, kind, funny, loving, protecting, big brother. I wish you were here to comfort and hug me as you have done before. But then again, if you were here, I wouldn't be crying. Her post was commented on by the following: Eric Hill (Daniel's and Holly’s friend): But Holly he is still doing it. Just because we can’t see it, it's a feeling and when we least expect it, that feeling overcomes us. What that feeling is, is him holding you from Heaven Deania Celli (Daniel’s classmate at UOP): Your brother was bigger than life and even though he is gone physically, he will never truly be gone. I never realized how much your brother touched my life. I don't think I could have made it through class without him. I am glad to call him my friend. I miss his jo