My Ramblings

Today in church I witnessed an act of kindness that brought tears to eyes. My wife, Linda and I usually sit in a certain place in the back row. This where we were today. I take the aisle seat and she sits to my left. An elderly couple, Lloyd and Anita, usually sit just across the aisle from us with Lloyd in the first chair and Anita at his right. They didn’t show up today. Shortly after the service started with worship time, a woman who I only vaguely recognized, sat in the chair just across from me in Lloyd’s usual spot. She was alone. As I sang along with the worship team, savoring the music and praising God, I glanced over at the woman who had her eyes closed and I assumed she was also enjoying the worship time.  A couple of songs later, I saw a woman get up from her seat next to her husband, walk over to the woman, sit down beside her and put her arm around the woman who began to cry. The second woman put both her arms around the crying woman and they softly exchanged words. Th

On Sundays, the church I attend, Ceres Christian Church, offers people who need prayer to submit written requests regarding their needs. These range from asking God to comfort them, to heal them, to bring unsaved family members to Him, to work in their broken marriages and lives, and for financial help. On Mondays, I call those who have submitted these requests to confirm it was received and advise them the church staff will be praying about that request during the week. There are usually 20-30 such requests each week. Sometimes, I myself pray about some of them. Sometimes, I ask the person on the phone if we can pray together right now and they always agree. So, I offer up a short prayer. But my primary role is to convey that the staff will be covering the request the people have submitted.  I have been volunteering to do this little job for a little over a year now. As I made the above calls last night, I began to formulate this post in my head. This past several months, people at

It is Thanksgiving Day 2014 and it has, in so many ways, been the best day I’ve had in a long while. I feel much better after having spent five days in the hospital for more congestive heart failure issues a couple of weeks ago. I am definitely on the mend, losing water weight and feeling better every day.  My entire immediate family- wife, three daughters, two sons-in-law and seven grandchildren are here in our beautiful home that God gifted us with in April 2011. Everyone pitched in to provide a wonderful family meal that we will be eating for several days. Heather prepared the turkey and dressing, I made gravy, cranberry sauce and several pies, Holly and Bryan brought deviled eggs and candied yams. Costco provided some of the bounty which makes meal preparation easier. Everyone else pitched in to put it all together to get the house all cleaned up before dinner. Linda did the lion’s share of the cleaning up before and after. It was a fun and relaxing day. There was lots of laug

I don't think I've mentioned it here before but I currently work part time for a company called Lyft which is a ride share program. It's much like a taxi service except that the drivers use their own vehicles and the rides are about 30% cheaper than a typical taxi service. Mostly, I work nights taking people from bars either to the next bar they're going to or to their homes. It is a good part-time job for me because I meet new people and I do it in the cool of the night when there's much less traffic.  A few nights ago I was parked in a lot across the street from one of the busier bars when I was approached by an elderly man who walked up to the truck and said, “Hey, big man. Do you think you can help me out?" As he approached, he was singing an old gospel song. I asked him what he needed and he pulled out his Veteran’s Administration ID card and showed it to me. He said he was trying to get enough money to take a bus to Palo Alto where he was going to ge

A few days ago, Linda and I visited our alma mater. The name of the school when we went there was San Jose Bible College and it was in San Jose. Ten years ago, the school relocated to Rocklin, California and was renamed William Jessup University (WJU) after its founder. During our visit, we saw some former classmates and staff and met a few new folks who now work for WJU. Linda and I got a lot of love and attention that day which was great. I almost felt like a celebrity. We had lunch in the school’s state of the art cafeteria with friends who are on staff, the former school president, Bryce Jessup (son of the founder) joined us and the current President, John Jackson, stopped by to greet us. Two days ago, I was thinking about my "good Stanley" as well as the Stanley I don't care for very much.  I am considered by most people I know to be a nice guy, a good man, a decent husband, a great father and grandpa. When I think about this, as I often do, I conclude that most

Yesterday, August 11, 2014, actor and comedian, Robin Williams was found dead of an alleged suicide. Today, someone asked me if this event stirred up any thoughts about our son, Daniel’s suicide, in June 2012. The simple answer to this is, “Yes” but it’s really not so simple. I immediately thought of Daniel when I heard about Robin Williams because both have taken their own lives. As when Daniel did it, my immediate response was how selfish the act of suicide is. Both of them and everyone else who kills themselves leave behind a wake of pain for those who loved them, not to mention the legal, financial mess that remains as well as the family having to decide what to do with the material stuff the deceased left.  I really liked Robin Williams because he brought me so much laughter over the years. I appreciated his sharp wit that he so effortlessly exuded. He was, as so many have stated, a comic genius. I was able to see that one day up close when I acted as his bodyguard in Golden Ga

June 20, 2014, will mark the second anniversary of our son, Daniel’s suicide. Thinking about the 730 days days that will have passed by that date, causes me to wonder about the many things that could have occurred during that time span. These include the big events such as his marriage to Michelle, graduation from college and maybe even Daniel becoming a father. It also includes the small, everyday stuff such as the celebration of birthdays, pool parties, BBQ’s, fishing trips, going to the movies and the joking and laughter that is very commonplace around here.  As the time passes, I find myself being more appreciative of my relationships with my three daughters, Heather, Holly and Meagan as well as my sons-in-law, Brian and Sam. The other day, Sam, Heather, their five children, dog and cat moved in with us. They are transitioning from the North Bay to the Central Valley  to be closer to us, as well as Sam’s parents and siblings who live in Southern California. They plan to live wit

I have a picture in my computer files of my son, Daniel and his then-fiancee, Michelle that they took in Disneyland a couple of years ago. It’s of them wearing yellow-framed 3D glasses from   one of the rides at the park. Its one my favorites of them and it was used in the slide show I made for Daniel’s memorial service in June 2012. Well, today is Michelle’s birthday and she is at Disneyland celebrating. We are Facebook friends and I saw that she posted a photo today of her and her new boyfriend wearing those same yellow framed 3D glasses. It hit me hard, like being punched in the belly and the tears immediately welled up in my eyes and overflowed.   It so happened that, at the moment I ran across this photo, I was listening to an Alan Jackson song titled “Remember When” which, all by itself, can make me cry. It’s a song about a person reminiscing about the life he had with his wife. A beautiful and tender tune. In case you have not heard the song, I’ve included the lyrics here:

On April 26, 2014, Daniel and his family would have celebrated his 30th. birthday. This crossed my mind for unknown reasons a few days ago and I was overcome with sadness. There was just something about that moment that hit me the wrong (right?) way and I began to cry. As I reflected on the upcoming, never-to-be celebrated birthday, I thought about collateral things. These include that by now he would have graduated with his bachelors degree in Criminal Justice, he would be married and would likely be a father. He would be closer to being a police officer, something he craved. I can picture our family throwing him a party, everyone happy and laughing. I have a photo of Daniel above my desk that I look at everyday. His squinty-eyed smile as he looks directly at the camera makes me smile. He was  so much like me, I’ve been told by his closest buddies and they say they see him in me. They give me credit for shaping his sense of humor. I hope I gave him more than just that and I think I d

A couple of nights ago I was lying in bed and was restless, having a hard time drifting off to sleep. I took my iPhone and began to note some of the traits I possess. I didn’t really know why I was writing these things down other than I figured it was something I could write about later and maybe post it here on my blog. So, here are a few of the traits I listed. Granted, it is random but it’s also honest.  Secure and insecure- I’m secure about my faith. I know that Jesus is my savior,  that God loves me and that when I die, I will be with Him in heaven. I’m insecure sometimes about where I fit in and what I need to be doing to be useful to others, especially my family.  Big brother- I like being looked up to. I like to tease. I’m a problem solver and want to help the weaker and younger people who look to me for assistance. Sympathetic- I have a soft spot for those who hurt or are in bad circumstances. Helpful- I want to do the things I am able to do in order to make t

I like to play practical jokes. I’m not one who likes to scare people, although I have done this on occasion. I just like to joke around and sometimes come up with some pretty good pranks. I also like it when others prank me which indicates I can dish it out AND take it. Sometimes, I suppose my joking is just weird, but it usually gets a laugh and, to me, that makes it all worth it. For instance, when I worked in the Juvenile Probation Department (JPD), I’d get into an empty elevator and stand facing the corner, my back to the door. I would ride it up and down the four floors of the building, waiting for people to get in. I did not acknowledge them or look around. Most everyone did not say anything or ask me if I was okay or not. Since I did not look at them, I didn’t know who was in the elevator with me. I surmise that, on at least a few of those occasions, there were some management types or even the Chief Probation Officer. This might explain why I never got promoted above t

We are currently babysitting an 80 lb. dog named Napolean. He is Heather’s dog and she is needing to adopt him out as they can no longer handle him. He’s half American Staffordshire Terrier (read Pit Bull), one quarter Catahoula, and one quarter McNabb.  We are “trying” to find him a good home. He is 18 months old and is the sweetest little boy. When I say “trying”, I mean that Linda has designs on keeping him as she has loved him since he was born here at our home in April 2012. In fact, his mother, Leela, had him on a blanket behind my chair in the living room. When he came here last week, Linda put a blanket behind my chair so he can sleep on it. It occurs to me that Linda is trying to warm me up to the idea of adopting him.  However, this is not the point of this post. A few minutes ago, Linda asked me if she should give Napolean one of the tennis balls we have here for when Luca and Logan go down to the local high school to learn how to play tennis with Linda. I said, “Sure, wher

I realize that I'm going out on a limb with the following post. It's not something I would have admitted to doing back when it occurred some 28 years ago, but it is a good story and I wanted to share it here. I am not the same person I was when this happened and I owe that to God and my wife. As I am writing this, I happen to be listening to an old Mustard Seed Faith song titled "Sidney the Pirate"which is about a man who was changed by God. Not that I was as bad as the pirate in the song, but a changed man nonetheless. So, here's my story: Randall Roman Juvenile Hall was sometimes a violent place due in part  to the impulsivity and lack of restraint of the minors which resulted in chaotic events. GC’s often broke up verbal and physical altercations, some of which were gang- related, some were sexual assaults, others were just because of perceived slights by one to another or just plain old personality conflicts. There were quite a few suicide attempts. I pe