My Ramblings

One of the first thoughts that drifted into my mind when I woke up this morning is that right now I do not care if I live or die. There is no way I would take my own life, especially after having had to live through this past seven weeks. Suicide wrecks so many people around the deceased. However, if I dropped dead from a heart attack or a car crash I am ready for it. Being in heaven would be so much better than this staying in this world. Heaven means no pain, no sadness, and no worries. The depression and sadness are so debilitating. I have no ambition and no desire to get some. There is nothing more that I feel like accomplishing each day other than to get out of bed and most days that is not until 10 or 11. Later in the morning, I called Linda into where I was sitting because I was on the verge of losing it and I needed her to console me. She stood there in front of me and cradled my head for a long time as I cried and told her how I feel. I said through my tears and pain, “God!