My Ramblings

Today I had an electro cardioversion in an attempt to get my heart back into a regular rhythm. I think I mentioned in an earlier post that my heart went into atrial fibrillation due, likely, to Daniel’s suicide. The procedure was performed at Kaiser in Modesto and I am thankful to report that it worked. I was concerned about having it done but found during my research that it is effective 90% of the time and there is only a 1% chance that something would go wrong. Everyone I talked to who had it done or knew a family member who had it said it was successful. Nonetheless, I am a Faddis and it seems that “bad things” happen to Faddises. I made sure that Linda knows what to do in the event of my death regarding our finances, computer passwords and my pension. I then joked a lot about dying, seeing you on the “other side” and who she might find to replace me as a husband. She said that no one could replace me but then I caught her on the computer looking at dating sites. J/K We got to

Linda and I went to the cemetery today to visit Daniel’s grave. I sat in the truck as I am unable to walk up the small hill on the thick grass without fear of falling down. Daniel is buried about 100 feet from the road. Linda went and stood there for a while. This was a good thing because I believe she needed some time alone with our son. She came back to the truck and we held each other while we cried. Although the pain of our loss has begun to subside, we have moments when it hits us again that our son is gone from this world; out of reach. Gone is his presence, his largeness of life, his dry sense of humor and his gentleness which he attempted to hide under a rough exterior. These moments of sadness hit us without expectation. When they come to me, I cry for a bit and then get myself under control. Last week, I opened a drawer and there was a picture of him on top that I had put in there and forgotten. Certain songs get me. One of these is a Don Williams song titled, “If Hollyw

Back in the late 70’s I met a young man like myself who eventually came to be my best male friend. I say “late 70’s” because I only recall it was 1977 or 1978. You’ll have to excuse me for not recalling certain details of events that occurred over 30 years ago. I specify “male friend” because as a married man, I am required by political correctness and my own safety to profess that my best friend is my wife, Linda, who has been chained to me for nearly 33 years and has done a stellar job at it, I might add. At any rate, Bill Dobos and I became friends when we met at San Jose Bible College. He came to the school from Southern California. He entered into our circle of friends which included Rick Criscione, George Gardner, Mike Huskey Dennis McGuire and Mark Thompson. (Please note that the preceding names are in alphabetical order so there can be no argument about any particular guy’s importance or lack thereof). Because I did not have wealthy parents to pay my tuition, my game plan