Two Years

June 20, 2014, will mark the second anniversary of our son, Daniel’s suicide. Thinking about the 730 days days that will have passed by that date, causes me to wonder about the many things that could have occurred during that time span. These include the big events such as his marriage to Michelle, graduation from college and maybe even Daniel becoming a father. It also includes the small, everyday stuff such as the celebration of birthdays, pool parties, BBQ’s, fishing trips, going to the movies and the joking and laughter that is very commonplace around here. 

As the time passes, I find myself being more appreciative of my relationships with my three daughters, Heather, Holly and Meagan as well as my sons-in-law, Brian and Sam. The other day, Sam, Heather, their five children, dog and cat moved in with us. They are transitioning from the North Bay to the Central Valley  to be closer to us, as well as Sam’s parents and siblings who live in Southern California. They plan to live with us for a few months until they find just the right house for them here in Turlock. Linda and I are excited about it and all the chaos that is attached. It’s great to have all of our kids so close by.   

I’ve previously written about the hole in my life that Daniel’s death created. It is deep and wide and void of all the wonderful things that it would have contained had he not died. However, as the time passes, I don’t think of him as often as I did before and those moments of remembering him are not always as emotion filled as they were in the past. This is not to say that there are no longer times when I break down and cry, but these moments have diminished in number and intensity. 

As I ponder the above I realize that I need to stop dwelling on my loss and focus on all the great things that make up my life of which there are many. These include Linda, my wife of nearly 34 years, three daughters, two sons-in-law and, most of all, our seven grandchildren- Luca, Logan, Cambria, Judah, Caedence, Joshua and Quinn. My blessings also include other family members, many close friends a wonderful church family at Ceres Christian Church, a comfortable home and many other material possessions. I have had an incredible life so far and I hope that God will bless me with many more years here on this planet. After that, it only gets better for me. Eternal life in the presence of the Creator, a perfect body that will never hurt or be sick again, reunification with loved ones that have gone before me and new friends I will meet in heaven.


So, on June 20, 2014, I will wake up and think of Daniel and it will sadden me that he is gone, but then I will look at all the good things that God has blessed me with and I will smile and give Him the praise that only He deserves to receive. 

Comments

John Haak said…
Thanks for describing your journey Stan. As a father of a "Daniel" myself, is still beyond me to comprehend. But the truth of enjoying what you have and not focusing on what you lost challenges me as i age and lose some skills. I hope your health is stable and getting better. Sounded like a pretty good scare not long ago. Enjoy having family closer. We are working on that balance ….
June 13, 2014 at 6:37 PM
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