My Ramblings

It is Thanksgiving Day 2014 and it has, in so many ways, been the best day I’ve had in a long while. I feel much better after having spent five days in the hospital for more congestive heart failure issues a couple of weeks ago. I am definitely on the mend, losing water weight and feeling better every day.  My entire immediate family- wife, three daughters, two sons-in-law and seven grandchildren are here in our beautiful home that God gifted us with in April 2011. Everyone pitched in to provide a wonderful family meal that we will be eating for several days. Heather prepared the turkey and dressing, I made gravy, cranberry sauce and several pies, Holly and Bryan brought deviled eggs and candied yams. Costco provided some of the bounty which makes meal preparation easier. Everyone else pitched in to put it all together to get the house all cleaned up before dinner. Linda did the lion’s share of the cleaning up before and after. It was a fun and relaxing day. There was lots of ...

I don't think I've mentioned it here before but I currently work part time for a company called Lyft which is a ride share program. It's much like a taxi service except that the drivers use their own vehicles and the rides are about 30% cheaper than a typical taxi service. Mostly, I work nights taking people from bars either to the next bar they're going to or to their homes. It is a good part-time job for me because I meet new people and I do it in the cool of the night when there's much less traffic.  A few nights ago I was parked in a lot across the street from one of the busier bars when I was approached by an elderly man who walked up to the truck and said, “Hey, big man. Do you think you can help me out?" As he approached, he was singing an old gospel song. I asked him what he needed and he pulled out his Veteran’s Administration ID card and showed it to me. He said he was trying to get enough money to take a bus to Palo Alto where he was going to ge...

A few days ago, Linda and I visited our alma mater. The name of the school when we went there was San Jose Bible College and it was in San Jose. Ten years ago, the school relocated to Rocklin, California and was renamed William Jessup University (WJU) after its founder. During our visit, we saw some former classmates and staff and met a few new folks who now work for WJU. Linda and I got a lot of love and attention that day which was great. I almost felt like a celebrity. We had lunch in the school’s state of the art cafeteria with friends who are on staff, the former school president, Bryce Jessup (son of the founder) joined us and the current President, John Jackson, stopped by to greet us. Two days ago, I was thinking about my "good Stanley" as well as the Stanley I don't care for very much.  I am considered by most people I know to be a nice guy, a good man, a decent husband, a great father and grandpa. When I think about this, as I often do, I conclude that most...

Yesterday, August 11, 2014, actor and comedian, Robin Williams was found dead of an alleged suicide. Today, someone asked me if this event stirred up any thoughts about our son, Daniel’s suicide, in June 2012. The simple answer to this is, “Yes” but it’s really not so simple. I immediately thought of Daniel when I heard about Robin Williams because both have taken their own lives. As when Daniel did it, my immediate response was how selfish the act of suicide is. Both of them and everyone else who kills themselves leave behind a wake of pain for those who loved them, not to mention the legal, financial mess that remains as well as the family having to decide what to do with the material stuff the deceased left.  I really liked Robin Williams because he brought me so much laughter over the years. I appreciated his sharp wit that he so effortlessly exuded. He was, as so many have stated, a comic genius. I was able to see that one day up close when I acted as his bodyguard in Golde...

June 20, 2014, will mark the second anniversary of our son, Daniel’s suicide. Thinking about the 730 days days that will have passed by that date, causes me to wonder about the many things that could have occurred during that time span. These include the big events such as his marriage to Michelle, graduation from college and maybe even Daniel becoming a father. It also includes the small, everyday stuff such as the celebration of birthdays, pool parties, BBQ’s, fishing trips, going to the movies and the joking and laughter that is very commonplace around here.  As the time passes, I find myself being more appreciative of my relationships with my three daughters, Heather, Holly and Meagan as well as my sons-in-law, Brian and Sam. The other day, Sam, Heather, their five children, dog and cat moved in with us. They are transitioning from the North Bay to the Central Valley  to be closer to us, as well as Sam’s parents and siblings who live in Southern California. They plan to...

I have a picture in my computer files of my son, Daniel and his then-fiancee, Michelle that they took in Disneyland a couple of years ago. It’s of them wearing yellow-framed 3D glasses from   one of the rides at the park. Its one my favorites of them and it was used in the slide show I made for Daniel’s memorial service in June 2012. Well, today is Michelle’s birthday and she is at Disneyland celebrating. We are Facebook friends and I saw that she posted a photo today of her and her new boyfriend wearing those same yellow framed 3D glasses. It hit me hard, like being punched in the belly and the tears immediately welled up in my eyes and overflowed.   It so happened that, at the moment I ran across this photo, I was listening to an Alan Jackson song titled “Remember When” which, all by itself, can make me cry. It’s a song about a person reminiscing about the life he had with his wife. A beautiful and tender tune. In case you have not heard the song, I’ve included the lyri...

On April 26, 2014, Daniel and his family would have celebrated his 30th. birthday. This crossed my mind for unknown reasons a few days ago and I was overcome with sadness. There was just something about that moment that hit me the wrong (right?) way and I began to cry. As I reflected on the upcoming, never-to-be celebrated birthday, I thought about collateral things. These include that by now he would have graduated with his bachelors degree in Criminal Justice, he would be married and would likely be a father. He would be closer to being a police officer, something he craved. I can picture our family throwing him a party, everyone happy and laughing. I have a photo of Daniel above my desk that I look at everyday. His squinty-eyed smile as he looks directly at the camera makes me smile. He was  so much like me, I’ve been told by his closest buddies and they say they see him in me. They give me credit for shaping his sense of humor. I hope I gave him more than just that and I think...