My Ramblings

I was talking to a friend of mine recently and we got into a conversation about high school and our dating lives back then. I told him I did not date in high school because I was too afraid of being rejected. I had several crushes on girls that I would’ve liked to date but instead of asking them, I didn’t take any action because if I didn’t ask them, I couldn’t be rejected and suffer the consequent bad feelings about it. I thought because I was fat, the girls were not attracted to me. And there was no way I was going to take a chance on finding out this was true. I did go to the senior prom with a girl (who shall remain nameless to protect her identity) who had not been asked by anyone else to go and so our mutual friends “fixed” us up together for that night.  Because of my eagerness to impress her, I brought her a corsage, a box of candy AND a bottle of perfume when I picked her up in my '66 Chevy Impala SS. Talk about overkill. I think it just made her uncomfortable. This set th...

You may never know what others think of you unless they take time to tell you. I recently rediscovered a letter written to me by my friend's wife. In it she told some very nice things she thinks about me. One of her thoughts especially made me feel good. She said I am like the sun whose friends orbit around me. Wow! I surely am unable to think about myself it such terms, but I'll admit I beamed like the sun after reading it. She went on to say I reconnect folks to one another and possess the rare trait of helping others feel loved.  Reading her letter could not have occurred at a better time; I am depressed about my slow recovery and inability to be productive in the way I was in the past, physically. I was feeling unworthy but her loving words caused me to understand that I worth to others emotionally. The moral of this post is that all of us have something to give to others.  Sometimes, we get bogged down in our self-pity and turn inward.  Two questions: what ca...

My uncle Jim once told me a story about his brother-in-law, Gene Meredith. The story took place sometime in 60s around Redding, California.  Gene owned a two door sedan that was not in the best condition but it was still drivable. One day he took it to a service station to have the oil changed.  Changing the oil involves putting the car up on the lift, unscrewing the oil pan drain plug and allowing the oral to run into a container. I need to interject here that Gene Meredith was not a scrupulous person. He was somewhat an outlaw and some people considered him an in savory character. While the mechanic was changing the oil, Gene removed a second drain plug he had in his pocket and set it on a shelf in the shop. The work was completed and Gene drove off in his car. A little ways from the gas station he stopped the car, got out, crawled under the vehicle and removed the drain plug after which, he drove away. Some miles later, the engine seized up and gave up the ghost. Gen...

I first met Tim Crownover when we were 10 years old. We lived in a small town and went to the same school from fifth grade through high school. I remember Tim being mischievous and fun loving. In the fifth grade, we were in Miss Lum's class. Tim got several of us to shoot spit wads at the big clock face on the wall of the classroom. We chewed little pieces of paper, rolling them into tiny projectiles in our mouth and then shot them through the barrel of Bic pens. I believe that Miss Lum was a first year teacher. She was oblivious to most of the antics going on behind her back as she wrote on the chalkboard. By the end of the school year, the clock face was almost completely covered with dried spit wads and she never seemed to notice it. Tim was a very small kid at that time and most of the girls called him Timmy. He was an excellent athlete and could play any sport very well. He was quick on the basketball court, could out run most everyone and went on to become a very good bas...

As my wife, Linda, babysits our two grandsons while our daughter Holly works, I get to spend a lot of time with them. Judah is five and Joshua is three. These boys remind me of both my other grandsons Luca and Logan as well as my brother Jeff and I. I don't really know if I can be objective about it but I think my observations are accurate in regard to the parallels of these three groups of boys. Of the six, Luca, Judah and I are the oldest. This leaves Jeff, Logan, and Joshua as the younger of the pairs. The oldest boys are, shall I say, more intellectual than the younger ones. That is, the elder boys are able to get the younger ones to do things and often talk them into taking the blame for whatever mischief has been undertaken. The younger boys are tougher and will fight at the drop of a hat. All three of the seconds often seem not to think before they act. They fiercely protect their older brothers when necessary or come to ask the older brother for help when they nee...

May 14, 2017 Today is Mother's Day 2017. When I woke up this morning, I laid in bed for a while and thought about this day. My first thoughts turned to my own mom by whom I was blessed. She was a fantastic mom who loved her children deeply. She raised four children on her own after our father died in 1968. I was 11 years old when this happened; the oldest of the siblings, three boys, and one girl. I now know that it was not easy for her to undertake this huge task but she did it without complaint. She experienced a lot of heartache with the loss of her husband and then again in 1981 when her youngest son, Kevin, died in a car crash. Mom passed away almost 20 years ago at age 62. I think of her often and miss her very much but most of all on Mother's Day. As I thought about my mom, my thoughts turned to my wife, Linda, who is a champion of mothers (and grandmothers). She is so nurturing and full of love for her kids and their kids. Back when our children were small, I rem...

May 9, 2017 Today begins the second phase of my blog. I’ll begin my going back to August 8, 2016. On that day, I was running a low-grade fever and had some blisters on my legs from edema that was escaping through my skin. I was sitting at the computer and when I stood up to go back into the living room, I fell down. Like the two times before this when I fell down I had to call the fire department to come and pick me up off the floor because I was not strong enough to do it myself. This was due to several things including my obesity and the weakness in my legs from not walking to keep them strong. When the firefighters arrived, they checked my temperature and decided that I should go to the hospital for an evaluation. I was fortunate they suggested this because once I got to Kaiser I was immediately admitted. To make a long story short the infection in my right leg was septic and for two and a half weeks doctors pumps five different kinds of IV antibiotics into me to kill it....

My book has been on sale now for about six weeks in Kindle form and in paperback for three weeks. The sales are OK but I'd hoped they would be stronger by now. I'm learning there are many ways to get the word out and am in the process of of doing more than I have. I would greatly appreciate your support by purchasing my book, passing on the word about it and then reviewing it on Amazon where it's for sale. I truly believe there is something for everyone in the book. It will make you laugh, cry, think about your own life and possibly help you through a rough time. Thanks to all who have already got one and for your many kind words and support.

I self-published my first bool last Saturday on August 29, 2015. It is available in Kindle form which can also be read on other electronic devices such as computers, smart phones and notebooks. A free Kindle reading app can be downloaded on the Amazon site where the book is found. The Name of the book is Not the Same Person: A journey from heritage to inheritance. It will soon be out in paperback.

As some of you may know, I recently was discharged from the hospital. I went to the ER on Sunday, March 15 because I was short of breath and had tightness in my chest. As I have Congestive Heart Failure (CHF) I knew these symptoms were from being full of fluid. I had also gained about 30 lbs. of water weight in just over a month. I have been to the ER several times for these symptoms and they usually keep me for 3 days or so to give me IV Lasix, a diuretic to cause my body to purge all that fluid/weight.  They also gave me a chest X-ray and an EKG. They admitted me and explored further. It turns out I had pneumonia. A couple of days later, my heart started racing up to 150-160 beats per minute. They slowed it down with copious amounts of medication. When they gave me an echocardiogram of my heart, they discovered my heart is functioning at about 30% and this, along with all the drugs began to damage my kidneys which were already frail. There was talk of giving me a session of dia...

Recently I was talking to a good friend of mine named Bruce Cole. Bruce is an avid outdoorsman who hunts and fishes and is really intent on conserving our natural resources. He is now in his late 50's and has been hunting and fishing since he was a young boy. Bruce is a Christian and each year he hosts a big game feed through his church in Waterford, California as an outreach to non-Christian men who hunt and fish. The dinner is totally free and it draws about 100 men year. Not long ago, he asked me if I knew why he hosts these game feeds for which he provides the meat out of his own freezer from his hunting trips. He explained that about 10 years ago he was out fishing on Lake Shasta with a friend of his in a boat. They were trolling for trout that day. His buddy asked him if he knew what the great commission is. At that time, Bruce, a relatively new believer said he did not so the guy explained that the great commission was given by Jesus and it instructs Christians to going...

Today in church I witnessed an act of kindness that brought tears to eyes. My wife, Linda and I usually sit in a certain place in the back row. This where we were today. I take the aisle seat and she sits to my left. An elderly couple, Lloyd and Anita, usually sit just across the aisle from us with Lloyd in the first chair and Anita at his right. They didn’t show up today. Shortly after the service started with worship time, a woman who I only vaguely recognized, sat in the chair just across from me in Lloyd’s usual spot. She was alone. As I sang along with the worship team, savoring the music and praising God, I glanced over at the woman who had her eyes closed and I assumed she was also enjoying the worship time.  A couple of songs later, I saw a woman get up from her seat next to her husband, walk over to the woman, sit down beside her and put her arm around the woman who began to cry. The second woman put both her arms around the crying woman and they softly exchanged words...

On Sundays, the church I attend, Ceres Christian Church, offers people who need prayer to submit written requests regarding their needs. These range from asking God to comfort them, to heal them, to bring unsaved family members to Him, to work in their broken marriages and lives, and for financial help. On Mondays, I call those who have submitted these requests to confirm it was received and advise them the church staff will be praying about that request during the week. There are usually 20-30 such requests each week. Sometimes, I myself pray about some of them. Sometimes, I ask the person on the phone if we can pray together right now and they always agree. So, I offer up a short prayer. But my primary role is to convey that the staff will be covering the request the people have submitted.  I have been volunteering to do this little job for a little over a year now. As I made the above calls last night, I began to formulate this post in my head. This past several months, people...

It is Thanksgiving Day 2014 and it has, in so many ways, been the best day I’ve had in a long while. I feel much better after having spent five days in the hospital for more congestive heart failure issues a couple of weeks ago. I am definitely on the mend, losing water weight and feeling better every day.  My entire immediate family- wife, three daughters, two sons-in-law and seven grandchildren are here in our beautiful home that God gifted us with in April 2011. Everyone pitched in to provide a wonderful family meal that we will be eating for several days. Heather prepared the turkey and dressing, I made gravy, cranberry sauce and several pies, Holly and Bryan brought deviled eggs and candied yams. Costco provided some of the bounty which makes meal preparation easier. Everyone else pitched in to put it all together to get the house all cleaned up before dinner. Linda did the lion’s share of the cleaning up before and after. It was a fun and relaxing day. There was lots of ...

I don't think I've mentioned it here before but I currently work part time for a company called Lyft which is a ride share program. It's much like a taxi service except that the drivers use their own vehicles and the rides are about 30% cheaper than a typical taxi service. Mostly, I work nights taking people from bars either to the next bar they're going to or to their homes. It is a good part-time job for me because I meet new people and I do it in the cool of the night when there's much less traffic.  A few nights ago I was parked in a lot across the street from one of the busier bars when I was approached by an elderly man who walked up to the truck and said, “Hey, big man. Do you think you can help me out?" As he approached, he was singing an old gospel song. I asked him what he needed and he pulled out his Veteran’s Administration ID card and showed it to me. He said he was trying to get enough money to take a bus to Palo Alto where he was going to ge...

A few days ago, Linda and I visited our alma mater. The name of the school when we went there was San Jose Bible College and it was in San Jose. Ten years ago, the school relocated to Rocklin, California and was renamed William Jessup University (WJU) after its founder. During our visit, we saw some former classmates and staff and met a few new folks who now work for WJU. Linda and I got a lot of love and attention that day which was great. I almost felt like a celebrity. We had lunch in the school’s state of the art cafeteria with friends who are on staff, the former school president, Bryce Jessup (son of the founder) joined us and the current President, John Jackson, stopped by to greet us. Two days ago, I was thinking about my "good Stanley" as well as the Stanley I don't care for very much.  I am considered by most people I know to be a nice guy, a good man, a decent husband, a great father and grandpa. When I think about this, as I often do, I conclude that most...

Yesterday, August 11, 2014, actor and comedian, Robin Williams was found dead of an alleged suicide. Today, someone asked me if this event stirred up any thoughts about our son, Daniel’s suicide, in June 2012. The simple answer to this is, “Yes” but it’s really not so simple. I immediately thought of Daniel when I heard about Robin Williams because both have taken their own lives. As when Daniel did it, my immediate response was how selfish the act of suicide is. Both of them and everyone else who kills themselves leave behind a wake of pain for those who loved them, not to mention the legal, financial mess that remains as well as the family having to decide what to do with the material stuff the deceased left.  I really liked Robin Williams because he brought me so much laughter over the years. I appreciated his sharp wit that he so effortlessly exuded. He was, as so many have stated, a comic genius. I was able to see that one day up close when I acted as his bodyguard in Golde...

June 20, 2014, will mark the second anniversary of our son, Daniel’s suicide. Thinking about the 730 days days that will have passed by that date, causes me to wonder about the many things that could have occurred during that time span. These include the big events such as his marriage to Michelle, graduation from college and maybe even Daniel becoming a father. It also includes the small, everyday stuff such as the celebration of birthdays, pool parties, BBQ’s, fishing trips, going to the movies and the joking and laughter that is very commonplace around here.  As the time passes, I find myself being more appreciative of my relationships with my three daughters, Heather, Holly and Meagan as well as my sons-in-law, Brian and Sam. The other day, Sam, Heather, their five children, dog and cat moved in with us. They are transitioning from the North Bay to the Central Valley  to be closer to us, as well as Sam’s parents and siblings who live in Southern California. They plan to...