45 Years Ago

I started this post a few days ago and was unable to finish it because my thoughts were pretty jumbled that day. I just didn’t know what I was wanting to get across. Today, as I go back to it again, I still don’t know what I want to say so I’l probably  just leave it as is. 

Forty-five years ago today, on November 20, 1968, my father passed away. I always think about him on this date as well as a few other days of the year. I guess it’s only natural that, as the years go by, I think of him less and less. But I always seem to remember him on this date. Over the years, I have compared myself as a father to my own father. We are very different men. Whereas he taught me to fight at the drop of a hat and defend the Faddis name, I did not do that with my son. One way in which we are the same is that we both held steady jobs and provided for our families. As I have written here before, my dad spent very little time with his family because he was either at work or out chasing around in the bars on weekends. I do have some good memories of him taking us places such as fishing and hunting. One really nice memory is the time we all went to Yosemite. But those are very few and far between. My father was not an educated man and probably only made it through primary school. I was different in this way and that I achieved a college degree. I believe my dad would have been proud of me for this accomplishment but I think he would have been disappointed in me in other ways. He was a carpenter and likely would have wanted me to follow in his footsteps. I was also not the barroom fighter he was. His “hobby” was drinking hard and going bare knuckles with anyone who challenged him. Think of Clint Eastwood in the movie “Every Which Way But Loose” without the orangutan  and you’ll get a good idea of him. 

Dad was a depression era child and his family had to scrape for everything they got. His dad, was a moonshiner in Arkansas before the family moved to California during the dust bowl years. Because Dad passed away when I was 11 years old, my life was somewhat the same because we could not have a very good income and my mom could not provide for us many of the things that she wanted to give to us. She raised us on his Social Security and Veterans pensions. This, as you can imagine was not very substantial. After I got it the high school, she went to work part time as a teacher's aide at an elementary school where she worked for 14 years. If my dad were alive today, I'm pretty sure, had he not been injured in that automobile accident that left him paralyzed, he would have worked in construction until he retired. He was 42 when he died so he would now be 87 years old. I’m not sure if I think he would have been a churchgoing man. Very few of his seven brothers or his parents were Christians and he was not raised that way. I could've easily followed in my dad's footsteps and been like him. He was training me to be what he believed a a man should be and I wanted to please him, primarily because I feared him. I'm relieved that I did not have him around to continue this lesson plan. My dad did teach me that it is important for man to provide for his family. He never came right out and said this but I learned it from his example. I did not know a lot about his carousing until years after he passed away when my mom finally opened up and told me some of the things that she had to live with. I can honestly say that I am ashamed of him for treating her the way he did. I don't think he was physically abusive but certainly he was emotionally abusive and his cheating on her made very sad and unloved at times. 

The silver lining in the cloud here is that, shortly before his death, a preacher came to visit my dad and told him the Gospel Story. He accepted Christ into his heart and asked to be forgiven. I believe I will see Dad in heaven and he’ll have a chance to say he is proud of me for being the man I am today.