The Door

There is a door in our garage that opens to a 6x8 foot storage closest. I dread opening the door to inventory what’s inside that closet because it contains Daniel’s possessions. He lived with us prior to his death and I assigned him that storage area when he moved in. It is packed full from floor to rafters. The plan was for Daniel to move everything he left here, including his gun safe, and clothes at the end of June to his apartment in the Bay Area prior to his wedding on July 21. Going into the gun safe was less a problem because I knew more or less what was in there. Although, the safe did have in it a couple of “surprises” such as a gazillion rounds of ammunition od various calibers including five boxes of shotgun shells containing buckshot, nun chucks, throwing stars and 20+ knives of various sizes and styles.


It has been more than six months since he died and I honestly do not know when I’ll be ready to sift through all that is in that closet. As a point of reference, my Mom died 15 years ago and I am in possession of a wooden chest full of the things that were most precious to her. In all this time, I have gone through that chest once and I don’t know when I’ll look at it again.

The primary reason for not opening that door for me is the fear of the "srprises' that may be hind that door. The bulk of his things in there are probably clothes, law enforcement magazines and other sundry items. But, I anticipate that there are also things to see and touch and smell which I may not be ready to handle emotionally. I’ve gotten pretty good at not bursting into tears when I think of him. Honestly, the quickest way to make me cry is to mention him, past houseboat trips, one of his stupid jokes or his smile. So, finding something in the closet that will make me start hurting again is probable and it is easier to just not go there. My strong girls, Linda, Heather and Holly will probably have to handle this task for me.

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Unknown said…
I can help you with that if you need me too
January 6, 2013 at 11:48 PM
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