On Being Unhealthy
As I get older, I become frailer, like everyone I guess, but my rate of failure is accelerated. The primary reason for this is that I don’t take care of myself like an aging person should. For those who know me, you know how overweight I am and have been since I was about 12 years old. Battling my weight has been a losing struggle for me for the past 40 years. To be honest, I was able to carry all this fatness well until my late forties. Back in the day, when I was around 320 lbs., I could do most everything. I could walk a long way without my knees, feet and hips hurting, or getting out of breath. I played golf, basketball, softball, flag football and racquetball. My friends would comment that I was a good athlete and very agile for my size. I went to college with a guy named Steve Jackson who played basketball for the school. In pick-up games Steve like me to be on his team because, he said I “set a mean two-man pick.” Steve was a good ballplayer but his claim to fame is that he’s the father of Luke Jackson who was a star for the Oregon Ducks and then went on to play in the NBA.
Anyhow, I am not healthy and I feel almost powerless to change and get better. This is in spite of having a great family who loves me, grandchildren who adore me and a wife who desperately wants me to improve my physical wellness, and is willing to help in any way. As I have stated before, I come from a long line of alcoholics and drug addicts. In my younger days, I messed around with some of it, but I saw how those substances wrecked my family. So, I did not get caught up in that cycle.
I used to pride myself on the fact I was not a “boozer” or a “druggie.” Then, when I was about 40 years old, it dawned on me that I am an addict. I am addicted to fast food, candy and Coca Cola. I have little or no restraint when it comes to eating. I don’t stop until what is in front of me is devoured. I can eat an entire bag of Cheetos and drink a liter or two of soda in one sitting. This is also true of bags of Hershey’s Nuggets with almonds and Big Macs; this list goes on and on. And, I am a “sneaky eater.” If no one is in the house with me, I’ll eat there. If privacy at home is not possible, I’ll eat in my truck somewhere away from home. The sad thing is that I know I’m hurting myself while I’m doing it, but I don’t care. Later, I regret it, get angry with myself and promise that I’ll not do it again. Then, the “next time” comes around and all that resolve is forgotten. In my defense, I have to say this is not an everyday occurrence. It comes and goes in spurts. I’ll do well for a time and then I fall off the wagon – again.
I am sharing all this with you because I know I’m not alone in my struggle. Many of us give in to our unwanted desires and weaknesses. We are self-indulgent and selfish. Some of us make poor choices about a myriad of things that we can keep hidden. Obese people, like me, are not able to hide our poor choices because our failures are illustrated so outwardly. And we “pay’’ for it in bad health, limited abilities, and ridicule from others. It is very depressing.
I don’t know where I was going with this piece when I first started, but here is how I’d like to finish. Encourage those you know who struggle with any addiction to do better. Let them know you love them in spite of their failures. Don’t look down on those of us who are fat, but learn from our mistakes. I guess I am asking you to have compassion. Thanks.
Anyhow, I am not healthy and I feel almost powerless to change and get better. This is in spite of having a great family who loves me, grandchildren who adore me and a wife who desperately wants me to improve my physical wellness, and is willing to help in any way. As I have stated before, I come from a long line of alcoholics and drug addicts. In my younger days, I messed around with some of it, but I saw how those substances wrecked my family. So, I did not get caught up in that cycle.
I used to pride myself on the fact I was not a “boozer” or a “druggie.” Then, when I was about 40 years old, it dawned on me that I am an addict. I am addicted to fast food, candy and Coca Cola. I have little or no restraint when it comes to eating. I don’t stop until what is in front of me is devoured. I can eat an entire bag of Cheetos and drink a liter or two of soda in one sitting. This is also true of bags of Hershey’s Nuggets with almonds and Big Macs; this list goes on and on. And, I am a “sneaky eater.” If no one is in the house with me, I’ll eat there. If privacy at home is not possible, I’ll eat in my truck somewhere away from home. The sad thing is that I know I’m hurting myself while I’m doing it, but I don’t care. Later, I regret it, get angry with myself and promise that I’ll not do it again. Then, the “next time” comes around and all that resolve is forgotten. In my defense, I have to say this is not an everyday occurrence. It comes and goes in spurts. I’ll do well for a time and then I fall off the wagon – again.
I am sharing all this with you because I know I’m not alone in my struggle. Many of us give in to our unwanted desires and weaknesses. We are self-indulgent and selfish. Some of us make poor choices about a myriad of things that we can keep hidden. Obese people, like me, are not able to hide our poor choices because our failures are illustrated so outwardly. And we “pay’’ for it in bad health, limited abilities, and ridicule from others. It is very depressing.
I don’t know where I was going with this piece when I first started, but here is how I’d like to finish. Encourage those you know who struggle with any addiction to do better. Let them know you love them in spite of their failures. Don’t look down on those of us who are fat, but learn from our mistakes. I guess I am asking you to have compassion. Thanks.
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-Kris