Since September 17, I have been out of commission. I made four trips to the ER and ended up being admitted twice, once for five days all in the span of ten days. My Congestive Heart Failure (CHF) hit me hard; I was extremely dehydrated and anemic. After the five day stay, it appeared I was back on track but two days later I went back because something was very wrong. Turns out I was in Atrial Fibrillation (AF) which is an irregular heartbeat. Sometimes my heart was beating 140-150 beats per minute. I am now on a slew of new meds including Warfarin, a blood thinner to help prevent blood clots and a possible stroke.


My cardiologist speculated that the AF could have been triggered by the stress caused by Daniel’s death and all that goes with it. I am as weak as a kitten, constantly tired and short of breath. There have been times this past few weeks where I have asked God to just take me home. I have felt like this before due to my son’s suicide but now it is amplified by how lousy I feel. I have told others of my prayers and am always met with the same response – God is not finished with you. You still have work to do. Honestly, this is so hard to accept; it would be easier to die. Well, no one ever said life would be easy and I do want to be faithful to God who has promised me eternal life.

So, I will continue to try my best to get well. In six weeks, I am going to undergo Electrical Cardioversion by which a mild electric shock will be applied in an effort to convert my heart back into a normal rhythm. Please pray that this works for me. I am not afraid to die. What worries me most is that my beautiful wife, Linda will have to care for me for the rest of my life.

Many of us in this country have a good life. Certainly, most everyone I know lives comfortably, has work, a roof over their heads and food on the table. These comforts and the freedoms we enjoy as U.S. citizens can cause us to rely on ourselves and not see the “big” picture. The picture I refer to is that God sent his Son, Jesus Christ to die as sacrifice for our sins. He then rose from the grave in order that we may also have eternal life if we accept Him as our Savior. I am certain that no matter how wonderful a life we think we could have here on this earth, it cannot compare to what God has for us “on the other side.” This is one reason why I am anxious to make the transition. May God reveal Himself to you. I ask that you not take my word for all this. Read the Bible and see for yourself what the Creator of the universe has in store for you.  You will not be disappointed.

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