Linda and I went to the cemetery today to visit Daniel’s grave. I sat in the truck as I am unable to walk up the small hill on the thick grass without fear of falling down. Daniel is buried about 100 feet from the road. Linda went and stood there for a while. This was a good thing because I believe she needed some time alone with our son. She came back to the truck and we held each other while we cried.
Although the pain of our loss has begun to subside, we have moments when it hits us again that our son is gone from this world; out of reach. Gone is his presence, his largeness of life, his dry sense of humor and his gentleness which he attempted to hide under a rough exterior.
These moments of sadness hit us without expectation. When they come to me, I cry for a bit and then get myself under control. Last week, I opened a drawer and there was a picture of him on top that I had put in there and forgotten. Certain songs get me. One of these is a Don Williams song titled, “If Hollywood Don’t Need You, I Still Do”. Back when he was in high school, he had a girlfriend who he missed terribly while our family was on a houseboat trip. I let him listen to the song which he had never heard before on my iPod. It’s a real tearjerker if you’re hurting like he was. He must have listened to that song 500 times on that trip while he moped around for the week. Now, whenever I hear it, it tears me up, but it also makes me smile because it tells me I helped my boy get through a difficult time.
When our kids were small, one of their favorite things to watch on the VCR was a cheesy recording of Peter Pan. It is a stage play starring Mary Martin as Peter. A song from that movie is “Tender Shepard” that the kids and mom sing together as a lullaby. After Daniel died I was going through his iPhone looking at his music. This song was in there which made our family laugh and then cry. To me, it shows Daniel’s tender nature. Of course, this song will now be very special to me.
As I have said before, I look forward to the day when I enter heaven (hopefully, many years from now) and find my son waiting for me. This is what keeps me going, wanting to have good relationships with all my family and friends so that we can all look forward to seeing one another on the other side. As I am writing this, I am reminded of something Daniel often said, “See you later, if not, I’ll see you on the other side.” Roger that MA3 Daniel Faddis.
Although the pain of our loss has begun to subside, we have moments when it hits us again that our son is gone from this world; out of reach. Gone is his presence, his largeness of life, his dry sense of humor and his gentleness which he attempted to hide under a rough exterior.
These moments of sadness hit us without expectation. When they come to me, I cry for a bit and then get myself under control. Last week, I opened a drawer and there was a picture of him on top that I had put in there and forgotten. Certain songs get me. One of these is a Don Williams song titled, “If Hollywood Don’t Need You, I Still Do”. Back when he was in high school, he had a girlfriend who he missed terribly while our family was on a houseboat trip. I let him listen to the song which he had never heard before on my iPod. It’s a real tearjerker if you’re hurting like he was. He must have listened to that song 500 times on that trip while he moped around for the week. Now, whenever I hear it, it tears me up, but it also makes me smile because it tells me I helped my boy get through a difficult time.
When our kids were small, one of their favorite things to watch on the VCR was a cheesy recording of Peter Pan. It is a stage play starring Mary Martin as Peter. A song from that movie is “Tender Shepard” that the kids and mom sing together as a lullaby. After Daniel died I was going through his iPhone looking at his music. This song was in there which made our family laugh and then cry. To me, it shows Daniel’s tender nature. Of course, this song will now be very special to me.
As I have said before, I look forward to the day when I enter heaven (hopefully, many years from now) and find my son waiting for me. This is what keeps me going, wanting to have good relationships with all my family and friends so that we can all look forward to seeing one another on the other side. As I am writing this, I am reminded of something Daniel often said, “See you later, if not, I’ll see you on the other side.” Roger that MA3 Daniel Faddis.
Comments
The song was the first that I ever arranged for guitar. It has a special meaning to me. It was one of my dad's favorites.
May everything be well with your soul soon.